The Two Types of Decisions (Thoughts from the “Dad Couch”)
My son was born this past week (everyone is happy and healthy), and — as you know if you have kids (and can guess if you don’t) — the first week is a bit…hectic.
So, here’s an article that is hopefully helpful but possibly just the ramblings of a man on zero sleep. Ideally, it’s both.
Every impactful life milestone, good or bad, is usually followed by a heavy dose of reflection. An introspective tsunami that follows the main event’s earthquake. This most recent reflection came as I lay on the sticky, plastic couch a few steps from the hospital bed and cradle where my wife and new son were sleeping. I have a theory that the “Dad Couch” is so wildly uncomfortable because no spouse has ever dared complain about it after what they just watched their loved one go through. And that’s probably just fine.
Anyway, as I lay on that pile of plastic covered plywood, I thought back on all the decisions that led to this moment in my life — the ones that led to my family, sure, but also the ones that led to work and friends and health and nearly everything else important.
Thinking about these decisions made me realize something (or remember something someone told me — again: baby brain). There are only two types of decisions:
Decisions that push you towards something you want
Decisions that push you away from something you don’t
As I thought about more about this, I realized that most of the big decisions I’d made to move towards something I wanted happened earlier in my life. And most of the decisions I made now were, consciously or subconsciously, made to push me away from things I didn’t.
It’s easy to frame this as selfless — you get more responsibility as you get older, so your decisions need to be more about other people’s interests than your own.
But I think that’s a cop out. I think it’s more about not being clear about what you actually want.
I made a whole bunch of bold, uncomfortable decisions when I was dating my wife because I knew I wanted, more than anything, to make sure she became my wife. I made the same types of decisions when I was starting Tacklebox and the pod.
Decisions in other parts of my life have been, clearly, made to shield me from something uncomfortable.
We always talk about leaning into discomfort — everything valuable in life will get worse first — but if you don’t know what you want it’s hard to make those sorts of “worse first” decisions. The benefit for enduring the bad part isn’t clear.
I do think you need a balance of both, and I think each has a time and place. There’s a sequence. Early on, as you’re trying something new, make decisions to move aggressively towards the thing you want. Then, make decisions to keep that thing, if it was, in fact, as good as you thought it’d be.
If you want a strong company culture, make bold decisions that’ll push you towards that. Then, once it’s established, make decisions to keep it — don’t compromise on who you hire or other cultural pillars.
But for where you all are, I think the overwhelming majority of decisions you need to make should be framed as towards what you want.
“I don’t want to work in corporate.” vs. “I REALLY want to make a dent in this problem (or find a problem to solve with X characteristics).”
“How can I not look stupid during customer interviews?” vs. “I NEED to know how people solve this problem now.”
“I don’t want to look like I’m not ambitious, so I’ll try to raise venture funding.” vs. “I NEED to solve a customer’s problem, and the fastest way to do that is a fundraise (or some other approach).”
This requires you to know what you want, which is tricky in entrepreneurship because it isn’t always clear. Which is where the “strong opinions, weakly-held” idea comes in. Don’t wait for the perfect “thing you want” to appear — decide you want something, make decisions to move you towards it, then decide if it was the right path or not.
Decisions that avoid pain do a good job of keeping you exactly where you are. That’s probably not what you want right now.
So, as you plan the tasks for this week, ask yourself — am I running towards what I want or away from what I don’t?
And, as I said, there’s a chance this was a baby brain post that makes no sense. If so, disregard. Maybe it was a bad decision.