A New Entry to the Never Work List: Moderation
I keep two lists: The Always Work List (things that always work), and The Never Work List (things that... never work). I nailed the names.
These are exactly what they sound like. Humans (I) need constant reminders of each. Today's post exists because we've got a new entrant to the infamous Never Work List. And I think it'll be helpful for you.
How I Use The Lists
I check in on the Always Work List when I’m stuck. It’s organized into a bunch of sections - here's a snippet:
Physical Resets:
20-min TM session
Cold shower or 4-mile run, whichever sounds worse
Structural Resets (kicks in the ass):
Overpay for hands-on early momentum - (coach, teacher, therapist, accountability group)
Write out my five year story
Random
To improve the feng shui of a room, remove stuff rather than adding it
If I’m running 10 minutes late, text saying I’m running 15 minutes late, not 5
Pay for lunch/dinner for a friend (best ROI out there) and let them pay for you when they offer
I use the Never Work List a bit differently. When I do something I knew I shouldn’t have done, I angrily write it down. Now, it’s on the record: never do this thing again (unless you’re willing to accept the consequences).
I don’t have categories for this list - just a smattering of bad decisions:
Moving without movers
Waking up early to add something to my life (writing, marathon training, etc.) without first removing something from my life that’ll take an equal amount of time
Ordering anything at an Italian restaurant that my Nanna used to make
Sleeping with a phone next to my bed
Scrolling LinkedIn
These lists are immensely helpful for me - a running diary I check in on weekly. I recommend starting yours today.
And, if you want, you can begin by putting this on the Never Work List: Moderation.
Moderation Doesn’t Work
Moderation is tricky because it sounds responsible. Eat donuts in moderation or watch TV in moderation or bet on sports in moderation. Fine, right?
But moderation doesn’t work. It just makes your life miserable.
My son loves Cheerios. One day we decided we’d start giving him Honey Nut Cheerios on the weekends to spice things up. He loved them. Then, on Monday, he threw a fit and screamed “DIFFERENT CHEERIOS!” because he wanted the sweet ones. It took about two weeks of regular Cheerios for him to finally forget the “different” Cheerios. But by that point he'd said it so many times my wife made me a Different Cheerios tee shirt.
Our grownup brains still work exactly like my toddler’s.
If you say that you’ll have donuts in moderation, you’re just periodically reminding yourself that most of the time you’re missing out on donuts. And when you have donuts “sometimes,” every time you want a donut you have to decide - is now one of those moderation times? When’s the last time I had a donut? Have I been eating well lately?
You won’t throw a fit like my toddler, but the same chemicals are firing in your brain.
If you decide that you love donuts and that you’ll only have them on the first Saturday of every month, that’s… slightly better. At least there are rules. But, you’ll still get that monthly reminder and it'll take a week or two to wear off. And, if you ever break your “Saturday” rule - if on a Tuesday you cave because it was a late night or you were sick or whatever - all bets are off. You now have a price (whatever was going on on that made you break your rule). And once you have a price, you’re screwed. Your mental bandwidth will be soaked up like a sponge.
The cool thing about getting rid of moderation is that you realize most things you’re currently doing in moderation you’d be 100% fine avoiding altogether. When you delete Instagram you feel withdrawal for a few weeks and then two months later you’ve forgotten about it entirely. You just have a bunch more time (and less anxiety).
The Moderation Tax
The big takeaway for me here hasn’t been to quit everything fun that might not be great for me. It’s to find something I’m doing in moderation, stop doing it entirely until the “pull” is gone, then to decide if my life was better with it. And if so, with what boundaries.
I mention donuts because that’s one that I kicked and then brought back. I love the donuts Rise. I love supporting the family who runs it and live in my town. So, I pay the “moderation tax” by getting a donut from Rise the first Saturday of every month. It’s worth the willpower the next 10 days require. But lots of things weren’t worth that tax, so I got rid of them completely. And I continue to do so.
Moderation doesn’t work. It’s on the list. Respond accordingly.
And here’s your handy 3-step Moderation Experiment:
Pick one “sometimes” habit.
Delete it 100% for two weeks.
Reassess: keep it gone or bring it back with clear rules and an understanding of the price you'll need to pay